Thoughts of a Singing Weather Mom

one of my favorites

2010-03-29T00:46:00.002-05:00

SING ME TO HEAVEN
text: Jane Griner

In my heart’s sequestered chambers lie truths stripped of poet’s gloss.
Words alone are vain and vacant, and my heart is mute.
In response to aching silence memory summons half-heard voices,
And my soul finds primal eloquence and wraps me in song.

If you would comfort me, sing me a lullaby.
If you would win my heart, sing me a love song.
If you would mourn me and bring me to God,
Sing me a requiem, Sing me to heaven.

Touch in me all love and passion, pain and pleasure,
Touch in me grief and comfort; love and passion, Pain and pleasure.

Sing me a lullaby, a love song, a requiem,
Love me, comfort me, bring me to God:
Sing me a love song, Sing me to heaven.

der....

2010-02-05T21:48:00.003-06:00

i have so much going on right now that i can barely think straight. i dont know if i can comprehend. i mean, i can explain everything, but i dont........get it yet. do you know what i mean?

anyway, here is a recent picture of the girly. she doesn't look like she's only 19 months old!!!

What I'm Thankful For

2009-11-25T23:14:00.003-06:00

i am thankful for my daughter, and everyone who makes her life, my life, and our life together possible.

THANK YOU SO MUCH! I LOVE YOU!!!

Christmas in October

2009-10-12T19:51:00.002-05:00

we have a new addition to the family! he is an adorable black and grey tiger print kitten! his name is sully and is simply the cutest little kitty. him and his brother, booger (a 13 year old dauschund), are getting along famously. :)

i have realized on the way home from work (currently a 50 min -1 1/2 hour drive) is that i am so ready for christmas. i am ready for the smell of evergreen. im ready for the smell of snow (as crazy as that sounds!!!) i am yearning for the tree to be put up. is it too early to put up the tree? i am ready for the radio station of 24 hour 'holiday' music. i want to teach my daughter to sing fa la la. i am ready for the smell of a fire in a fireplace...even if its not in my house (which would be good because we dont have a fireplace!) im ready for the lights outlining the houses.

i'm ready for the unwarrented joy. i'm ready for the unconditional hope. it is something unique about the christmas season.
there are 2 types of people in the holiday season. the overly happy people and the people who are grumpy. everyone ends up the same though, to a varying degree. everyone experiences some joy. everyone sees a glimmer of hope.

i have my hope. i see it right in front of me. i want to feel that hope all the time! and that is the promise with the christmas spirit. that is the promise of love. that is the promise of God.

picky

2009-09-17T23:22:00.003-05:00

as recently posted on my twitter, i am a music snob. not so much that i suck to be around, but enough that whatever music i'm listening to needs to be either good or done well for me to enjoy it.
crappy music doesn't do it for me. crappy vocals don't do it for me. which is why karaoke can be a blessing or a curse. :D

that being said: i am a harmony freak. i am picky with it. it has to be done well if it is going to be done at all.
i have been told that is finding harmony in music is not an easy thing to do. really? maybe its just the way i was brought up with music or that throughout high school and college i mainly sang alto or second soprano. i love dissonance. i like the fullness of the chords. it comes to me easily. i hear a song, and can find at least one line of harmony to go with the melody. i've been doing it for 7 years now. i'm trying to teach harmony (when i can be there!) but i'm realizing that it doesn't come naturally to others. which is strange to me. i almost dont understand that!

is it like me not being able to understand math (which is my nemisis)? is my saying to someone "how can you not find the harmony line that begins on the 3rd?" like someone saying to me "how can you not derive poisson's equation?"

i have tried that equation much. i still can't do it.

maybe it is the same.

and for your enjoyment (or my mommy pride) here is lily!

bumps and bruises

2009-07-11T22:33:00.003-05:00

She has started walking the last couple of weeks. it is so awesome to see her trapsing around like a drunken sailor. :) but now come the bruises....
the other day i was drying her off from a bath. she was standing next to the toilet and moved somehow causing her to slip. and knock her chin on the seat. i freaked out, grabbing her and holding this naked child wrapped in a towel. when i looked in her mouth, one of her bottom teeth had cut her upper gum, where there is no tooth. she had stopped crying altogether by the time i ran over to my mom asking what to do. she said "she seems fine now. you are going to have to get used to bumps and bruises."
i dont like that. i want her to be a tough girl. kinda like me, in the way that i am not afraid to get hurt, scratched, or dirty. but she is my child and i want to put bubble wrap around her so she doesn't have to know pain.
and then this evening...walking around the coffee table, drinking her nightly bottle, and playing with a remote control. she tripped on the pattern in the rug and headed face first into the table. it took a second for her to cry, but the bruise began immediately. right on her cheek bone. i took her downstairs to get some ice and a towel to wrap it in. she was more interested in the second half of the bottle.
it is amazing how resilient that child is. :)

183/182

2009-06-30T22:44:00.002-05:00

it is already half way through the year. holy cow. so much has happened in an amount of time that doesn't seem like enough. time does get faster the older you get, huh? that is something that you never think of when you are a kid. everything is 'this is taking fooooreeeevvvverrr!' 'i can't wait until i'm (insert age here)! i'm going to be able to do so much!' now, it's 'God, this year went by so quickly...' and 'i remember being (insert age). i didn't have to do anything!'
it is a good thing though! now i look forward to every day with anticipation. what new things are going to happen? what am i going to learn? how many things am i going to wish i had a camera because it was so funny/adorable/spontaneous/cherish-able/awe inspiring, and i dont ever want to forget it?

how many times have you said 'i love you!' today? and meant it.

i love you!

Memorial Day weekend

2009-05-26T22:15:00.002-05:00

1. mom and i got patio furniture. the deck now looks like an indoor room. very cool! pics to come.

2. dave came into town! it was a (more or less) spontaneous trip. he took 10 days off to go storm chasing. of course this had to be the week from hell, meteorologically speaking. there were the least amount of storm warnings for the 3rd week of may within the last 50 years or so. (to keep in perspective, may 25, 2008 had 503 severe weather reports - 53 of them tornado reports, including parkersburg, ia. there were 14 people who died and 79 injured. may 25, 2009 had about 27 severe reports, 2 were landspout reports.)so because there was nothing in the forecast for severe weather, he took the opportunity to join us for a 3 day weekend!
we went to the lodge to see the band 7th heaven (excellent, by the way). he came to the 10 service on sunday morning. it was dave's first taste of a contemporary lutheran service. (the first lutheran service he ever went to was when he was down here last, in march.) his brother and his girl lives in lincoln park, so we went to visit. monday was fairly lazy. my cousin had just graduated this weekend plus memorial day equals family dinner!!!!!
it was dave's first US memorial day. and meeting another bunch of the family. (my grandma was talking with my mom. she asked 'does she like him?' 'does he like her in return?' 'is it something serious?' my mom answered yes to all three. grandma said, 'ok. if you are alright with it, so am i.') :) he goes over well with my family. he left this morning to head back to winnipeg. great weekend!!! (oh, there is a chance for him to chase this weekend, in case you were wondering)

3.i went to the daycare to pick lily up. she was wearing a cute little dress that i did not put on her this morning. her clothes were in the wash. i was stunned at the size of the dress when they told me. it was a 2T! she's not even a year old yet and she can wear 2 year old's clothing!! ah!

this was an absolute wonderful weekend. how was your memorial day?

beginnings

2009-05-16T10:31:00.004-05:00

i realized last night that i created something. not just something, but someone. that blew my mind. how does that happen? i mean, i know how it happens. we created something that didn't exisit. how crazy is that? that is so freaking awesome! not only did i make someone, but i made someone that is so beautiful, i never want to stop looking at her. i am in awe of her. she is my baby. and she's growing up so fast!

i hugged my mom. she said 'thank you for being my daughter.' i replied to her 'thank you for making me. you made me. duuuuuude....' that has been one comment she has not recieved from any of her 3 children before. :)

we watched grey's anatomy on thursday. it was the 5th season finale. oh goodness. tearjerker!
anyway, meridith usually has a voiceover at the end of the show. this week it resonates with me. not only does it work for my baby girl, but also for the other most important person in my life.
"did you say it? 'i love you. i dont ever want to live without you. you changed my life.'"

so here i say it. for all of internet land to see. i love you. i dont ever want to live without you. you have changed my life. i can't wait to see what God has in store for us. :*

mommy moments - you are now my therapist

2009-04-14T23:10:00.005-05:00

talk about roller coasters...

this week has sucked. even the week before. palm sunday, i felt funky. don't know why. i felt so funky, apparently, that lynn (choir director) noticed. when i started to think about it, i figured it out. i had canadian withdrawal. he had left the friday before. so i figured couple of days and i'd be ok. but it's still going. (oh, and the dog peed in my bed. gross. disgusting. just. ew)
call it baby blues, postpartum (or postnatal), call it what you will. i call it mommy moments. it's not full on depression, but it's not nothing.
you say: but doesn't that happen right after childbirth - when all the hormones are out of whack?
yes. and no. hormones stay out of whack for a long time! before i left the hospital, one nurse told me to look for signs of PPD for AT LEAST one year.
i didn't get my first mommy moment until lily was 5 or 6 months old. i flipped out. she was crying and i yelled at her. i started to cry after that. i yelled at the one person in my life who doesn't know what she's doing. i fed lily, gave her a bottle, and was bawling the whole time and i didn't know why. mom was at work, jenny couldn't come over. i talked to jeremy. he helped a little - made me laugh. but after lily finished her bottle i knew i had to put her down and walk away for a little bit. i wasn't going to hurt her, but i wasn't going to be able to help her either. i needed to step outside and remind myself that i do need time to myself. living with someone constantly dependant on you is a burden that i never thought would be there. call me naive.
every now and then since, there may be a couple days here and there where i am just so overwhelmed with emotion but i can't let it out. i feel myself being on the verge of tears, but nothing happens. i can't really do anything about it. (i should say i don't do anything about it) there's no time. it's a lame excuse, especially when it comes to mental and physical health. but i only see lily for maybe 3 hours a day during the week. 4 or 5 if i'm lucky. the rest of the day she is at day care or sleeping. i want to spend my time with my daughter. she is doing so much, so quickly...i dont want to miss anything!
i understand that talking helps. it's difficult for me to talk about it. no. scratch that. it's easy for me to talk about it. it's difficult for me to talk about what i'm feeling.

so here's what i'm feeling: (deep breath)

canadian makes me so happy. he really does. i would not trade him for anything! but knowing how hard this will be...knowing limitations...knowing all of the obstacles that we face. i think i'm ready for it. i really hope i am.
i'm happy being a mom. i wouldn't change it.
i am so freaking scared. of everything. this relationship scares me. my baby scares me.
i feel like i'm losing myself. (oh here's the tears. i forgot what they felt like) i don't know where becky went when mommy took over. i need to find her again.
i don't know what to with myself anymore. i'm stuck in this routine. same as before. i don't do anything for myself.
i don't know who i am anymore.

God - i feel so lost. help me find who You want me to be. help me to be the best that i can for my daughter. let the Spirit light my candle again, so i can shine Your light. thank you for the everyday angels You put in my life. You make them such blessings!
all of this and more, i pray in Your Holy name, Amen

best time ever!

2009-04-14T22:59:00.003-05:00

i had one of the best weeks ever! canadian came down. :)
there is still so much of chicago and everywhere that i want to take him! i have realized that i want to spend all my time with him. he amazes me, thrills me, makes me all fuzzy inside when we speak. i love him. i really do. :)
and that is the easiest part of this relationship. there are so many odds stacked against us. if we were a bet in vegas, someone is going to come out a big ole millionare! and i think that someone is going to be us. i am willing to wait as long as it takes. who knows where next year or the year after will bring us. even the next 6 months!

i think i am ready. (whew!) bring it on!

:)

allergies...

2009-03-26T11:06:00.003-05:00

allergy meds need to have a new label. none of them should be able to claim that they are non drowsy. i'm drowsy off my butt! the only time i want to feel this way is when i'm at the bar. not at work. it's not even the good part of feeling drunk. it's the coming down feeling. :P
ridiculous.

my mom had a date last night! (i dont think people are supposed to know yet, so shhhh!) first date in a couple years. it went well. we shall see how this goes. i just want her happy.

canadian comes tomorrow! i am so excited. it's been 2 months since i've seen him. this will be a good week!

so long as the allergies are in check! ;)

marches in like a lion

2009-03-08T11:37:00.004-05:00

my poor baby. she has her mother's ears. she has her first double ear infection. i do not doubt that it will be her last. the glow in her eyes is not there, her nose, eyes, and mouth are leaking everywhere (no, she's not teething yet. we check. everyday.) she is always tired, doped up (perscribed amounts only!) on amoxycilin and tylenol, always wanting to be held (which i can't help but do). she is miserable. and i know exactly how she feels.

when i was her age, i constantly had ear infections. single, double... i'm sure i would have had a triple infection if God gave us 3 ears. it got to the point that my hearing was severely affected. by the time i was 2, with numerous ear drum ruptures and infections, i had about 75% hearing loss. my mom still tells me of words and phrases that i said. 'a beep on my boop' was 'a bug on my shoe.' 'figgins' were fingers. i created my own language so i could communicate. i have built up such a tolerance to amoxycilin that it doesn't work to this day. my pain tolerance is so high, that i do not feel my ear drums rupture anymore. i had 2 sets of tubes put in a little after i turned 2. i hear perfectly after that. but once or twice a year, i still succumb to the beast...when i was pregnant i had a double ear infection.(not sure if i've said this before) i could not hear what the nurses, my family, anyone was saying unless they were yelling it. my hearing was so far gone - probably about down to 25% again. (and i couldn't take anything for it...)

so i am trying to make her as comfy as possible. it should be better within a few days. i hope so. i want my baby back. (i'm singing the chili's song in my head right now...sheesh!) she is trying so hard to be a happy baby. she laughs, smiles, plays....but she's not the same yet. soon though. soon.

we've had a good set of storms over the last 2 days. big lightning which means awesome house shaking thunder, lots of rain, some hail even! i hope we dont flood like we did last week, but the ground isnt going to soak all this up yet...it's only the first week of march!

distance and twitter

2009-02-14T11:17:00.005-06:00

nothing too much going on i think. just going through. wake up. drop off baby. work. pick up baby. play with baby. feed baby. feed me. put baby to sleep. sleep. repeat next day.
i'm realizing the importance of communication. i've never really been good at it. it wasn't my family's style. not only can you get more things done more efficiently, but people apart from you - whether it be 5 miles or 2000 miles - seem much closer. which is a good thing, because i feel so far from everyone - either not easily accessible or...well i guess thats it. just not easily accessible. its too far to drive or i dont have time or its too late for lily to be out or she's about to go to bed or.....man, do babies change things!
i'm sorry to those friends i've seemingly forgotten about. i miss you. i love you.

side note: the building behind where i work recently changed their flag. i'm glad about this. its a wierd thing to be glad about, but i am. after christmas when the ice storm hit, both of the flags just got ripped apart. each of the stripes was waving on its own! and it stayed that way!!! i think they changed it earlier this week. it looks so much better and it doesn't go against the rules of the US flags.
http://www.ushistory.org/BETSY/flagetiq.html

oh. and i'm addicted to twitter. http://twitter.com/becky_griffith

o canada

2009-02-03T10:40:00.003-06:00

This weekend was full of firsts:
vacation in 5 years
got my passport stamped but a country other than usa (europe never stamped….)
flying by myself, let alone to another country
walking to the plane on the tarmac
tim hortons coffee
eating elk
dim sum
home made pulled pork
home made bbq sauce
watched hockey night in canada
watched superbowl in canada (i wanted arizona to win, but it ended up being a good game!!)
longest i’ve been away from lily
finished a james patterson book in 5 hours. (final warning. more of a kid’s book but it was good.)
touring the wx office (which is in a train station)
going to the forks
viewing winnipeg from 60+ feet
going to a catholic church – ukrainian more specifically
attempting to speak ukrainian
went without my phone (really) for 3 days
seeing a plug for a block heater
didn’t get carded when asking for drinks
spending 3 full days with him, practically attached at the hip
felt beautiful because he said i was

and i have also realized that:
everyone in canada skates. (duh) but there are no figure skates. only hockey skates.
elk is absolutely delicious!
canadians do lock their doors
i could spend more time with him. no matter where it is. :)

and the winner is... her?

2009-01-26T12:29:00.003-06:00

I tuned in to the Miss America pageant this past saturday. i just have to say, i was sorely disappointed. these women are supposed to have poise, beauty, grace, and talent.

talent. correct?
check this out!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HZYX50WhxCo

seriously? that was horrible. the best talent that i saw was miss hawaii. she did a hula in an overly large white feather skirt thing.

the best part? miss indiana won...

come one america!

Karaoke

2009-01-23T11:41:00.004-06:00

so i think i am going to do the contest at keywester...
i probably wont make it past the country week (again) but how can i pass up a possible $2000? Even $250...
i guess now i have my mondays planned for the next month and a half.
qualifying is this week and next (i can only make it to the first :D), contest starts on Feb 9 and goes through March 6 or 9 or whenever that monday is.

country, 80's, rock, r&b, top 40 from last 2 years, and song of your choice. got to start preparing..... :)

so again:
place: Keywester in Naperville
when: Mondays at ~8 pm, Feb 9-March whenever.

You: be there :)

come fly with me

2009-01-21T19:07:00.002-06:00

wowie! did i get plane tickets at the right time.
if i waited until now, i would have paid TRIPLE for them!!!
that's right. 3 times as much.
wow...

small towns and live(ish) music

2009-01-21T17:20:00.005-06:00

So I was just saying this to dave….

My job is sufficient. It pays the bills (what bills I have…) it gets me through. In that respect I like it.
Not only am I in the slowest branch of the CU, (there are only 4) but I don’t know about the people I work with. Yeah, they are nice and I get along with them. (you should always get along with coworkers….you spend most of your time with them. You should be able to tolerate them and vice versa) I just don’t click with them. I’m the loner of the branch. There just isn’t enough in common to carry on a conversation with them. They are out in the middle of nowhere small town (like 850 – 1000 people total…) everyone knows everyone, there are 2 bars on the main strip which is 2 blocks long, and all there is to do around here is go snowmobiling and drinking. One of the girls hasn’t even driven east of Rt 47, which means, she’s never driven to/through/around/near Chicago or the surrounding suburbs. (Hinckley/Big Rock are suburbs technically, but its 50 miles away...Aurora/Naperville is 30-35…)
I’m definitely NOT small town. My graduating class was 750+… I like going places. Downtown Naperville has 6 bars on one block…(granted they are constantly busy…) I like to be around people. I like to be social. I like not having to drive for 30 min to go somewhere to eat. I like having a mcdonalds, burger king, and a wendys within a mile from me. (there are none within 5 miles of where I work…) I like being busy at work…not just sitting at my desk and getting up for the 10 people who walk through our doors a day.

Don’t get me wrong, I love to stay home. I like sitting on my couch or in my rocker and watch game shows and reality tv (wow do I sound old!) But I need more than that. At least every now and then. To go out and be with other people who are around my age and have a bigger view of the world than the 10 mile bubble that surrounds them.
I mean come on. I travel farther than that to get to work…

Maybe I’m just one of those snobs.
Wait.
No I’m not. I’m not a snob at all! I could not live in a small town. I could not live in a big city. I like being near both, but I like the suburbs. Its just my pace.

on a side note, i like the live version of landslide. you know. the one from fleetwood mac. it's simple and beautiful.
there are other songs that i can only hear a certain way. like some of the songs that i hear at karaoke. i dont even like the original versions of the songs anymore. like these:
jeremy - walking in memphis, this is how we do it
meghann - i wanna go out tonight
charma - strawberry wine, hit me with your best shot
denise - anything aretha.
mike (ok, he's not karaoke, but it works for him too) - volcano, stars, if you could only see, shimmer, stacy's mom.....list goes on and on...

:)

what a lovely time waster

2009-01-20T22:24:00.004-06:00

i swear i am not going to do these all the time. thats what myspace is for... :)

Look in your inbox, who are most of your texts from?- its a tie between graham and dave
Are you an alcoholic?- no. there are too many in my family, i dont want to be that way. plus, i dont really like the feeling of being drunk. i hate how you can feel the next day...
What made your day?- leaving work early, realizing i choked up when president obama was inaugurated
Does anyone disgust you?- yes.
When was the last time you cried?- 2 months ago i think? i'm about due for another here soon
What's something you can't wait for?- 9 days, 12 hours, 15 min :)
What woke you up this morning?- the alarm did first, but i shut that off. then lily started crying
If you took a drug test would you pass it?- with flying colors
Is tomorrow going to be a good day?- i think so... just another Wednesday
What was your first thought this morning?- i am so comfy, i dont want to get out of bed
Where do you see yourself in 5 years?- hopefully married by then, with a house, in a job that i like, with a kindergartner running around the house
Would you rather talk on the phone or chat in IM?- depends on the person...really it does. but i'd rather talk to someone in person
Do you listen to music every day?- life is boring without it
Is anything bothering you?- lily is starting to have separation issues...
What makes you mad?- when i'm quite, and people keep asking if i'm ok. i wont be ok if you keep asking me....
Name one song that explains your current life:- i cant. there are many songs...
Why? - because there are a lot of emotions that i am currently going through and lots of songs portray those emotions. most of them are good, so dont worry ;)
What do you usually do right when you wake up?- turn off the alarm. lay in bed for a couple min trying to wake the body up
What emotion you are feeling right now?- excitement for possible future happiness
Is your myspace profile private?- nope. anyone can see it. i'm pretty open
How many tattoos do you have?- just the one
Are you a morning person or a night person?- do i have the baby? ;)
When was the last time you were sick?- dec 27th. it sucked royally
Did your last hug mean anything?- my last hug was my momma. i hug her every day.
Are you jealous?- i can get green eyed, but not too often
How long does it take for you to take a shower?- normally, 15 min. i'm a girl. there's a lot for me to do.
Do you believe in what comes around goes around?- no. because its 'what goes around comes around.' it has to go before it can come back... but still, no. at least, not in my time frame. God's time frame, yes.
Have you ever cried from being so mad?- only at stupid boys. ;P
Miss someone?- there has been a lot of missing
Whose bedroom were you in last?- lily's
Who was your last call from?- i should know this...i dont talk to many people... my mom
Are you someone who worries too often?- i usually worry about things i can't control.
Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? - yes
Honestly, if you could go back 1 month and change something would you?- there was a lot that happened a month ago... but no. i like how it turned out. actually, i probably would have gone home instead of going to the christmas eve service. i was exhausted and carrying a 6 month old...
Is there someone who doesn't like you?- i dont doubt that. i'm sure there are plenty of people i rubbed the wrong way.
Is there anybody you wish you could be spending time with right now?- that is an understatement
How has the week been?- good. a 3 day weekend, a short day at work, its going pretty well if i do say.
Has anyone disappointed you lately?- nope. expectations are met all around! good job people.
What is the reason behind your myspace song?- i have a lot. a couple of them are from halfpenny marvel. cold side is my fav. theres another from a guy whom i dated breifly. (like, 2 dates) he's bluesy, jazzy, funk. its good!
What color are your eyes?- hazel. flecks of every color. i like looking at my eyes. (that doesn't sound weird...)
Do you think you’ll be married in 10 years?- God i hope so!
How many children do you want?- i have one so far...maybe another one or 2.
What are your plans for the weekend?- thursday 7th heaven plays, friday lily and i have a dinner date with meghann and hunter, saturday work, sunday sing?
If you could move right now would you?- yes
Are you happy with the way things are going now?- things could always get better
When was the last time you talked to your number one?- (meghann is my #1 btw) tonight. we were making fun of people on AI
Do you like being in pictures?- i do. i dont always look the best, but i like to see if i'm in pictures :)
What do you currently hear right now?- the computer. there isn't anything else on.
Where will you be in an hour?- sleeping!
Whats your new years resolution going to be?- really, i only have one, because i know its what i can keep: be the best mommy i can be
Is your heart broken right now?- my heart has been in a constant state of repair for 4 years.
What are you looking forward to in the next month?- 7th heaven, canada, many people's birthdays...i guess i haven't looking into february yet...

did you enjoy this? are you still reading this? :)

the best smiles have no teeth.

2009-01-19T11:42:00.004-06:00

her smiles are amazing. completely and utterly beautiful.

they are big, toothless, and best of all, they are full face smiles!

you know the kind. the ones where your cheeks are brought so high up on your face that your eyes smile. the ones where it is so easy to start laughing. and she started crinkling her nose when she smiles. its the greatest!

and her laugh.... :D

she's definitely like me that way.

i should really be in bed....

2009-01-19T03:12:00.004-06:00

200 things. i've done the bold ones. enjoy.

bought everyone in the pub a drink
swam with wild dolphins
climbed a mountain
taken a Ferrari for a test drive - i was in the passenger seat. but it was my birthday!
been inside the great pyramid
held a tarantula
taken a candlelit bath with someone
said 'i love you' and meant it - every time.
hugged a tree
done a striptease
bungee jumped
visited paris
watched a lightning storm at sea
stayed up all night long, and watched the sun rise
seen the northern lights
gone to a huge sports game
walked the stairs to the top of the leaning tower of pisa
grown and eaten your own vegetables
touched an iceberg
slept under the stars
changed a baby's diaper
taken a trip in a hot air balloon
watched a meteor shower
got drunk on champagne
given more than you can afford to charity
looked up at the night sky through a telescope
had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
had a food fight
bet on a winning horse
taken a sick day when you're not ill
asked out a stranger
had a snowball fight
photocopied your bottom on the office photocopier
screamed as loudly as you possibly can - its not that loud...
held a lamb
enacted a favourite fantasy
taken a midnight skinny dip - it wasn't midnight, and it was in the ocean...with many other people
taken an ice cold bath
had a meaningful conversation with a beggar
seen a total eclipse - 2!
ridden a roller coaster
hit a home run
fit three weeks miraculously into three days
danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
adopted an accent for an entire day
visited the birthplace of your ancestors
actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
had two hard drives for your computer
visited all 50 states
loved your job for all accounts
taken care of someone who was shit faced
had enough money to be truly satisfied
had amazing friends
danced with a stranger in a foreign country
watched wild whales
stolen a sign
backpacked in europe
taken a road-trip
gone rock climbing
lied to foreign government's official in that country to avoid notice
taken a midnight walk on the beach
gone sky diving
visited ireland
been heartbroken longer then you were actually in love
in a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them
visited japan
bench pressed your own weight this was when i was quite a bit younger
milked a cow
alphabetised your records
pretended to be a superhero
sung karaoke
lounged around in bed all day
posed nude in front of strangers
gone scuba diving
got it on to 'let's get it on' by marvin gaye
kissed in the rain
played in the mud
played in the rain
gone to a drive-in theatre
done something you should regret, but don't regret it.
visited the great wall of china
discovered that someone who's not supposed to have known about your blog has discovered your blog
dropped windows in favour of something better - this must be a canadian coloquialism
started a business
fallen in love and not had your heart broken
toured ancient sites
taken a martial arts class
had a swordfought for the honor of a woman
played d&d for more than 6 hours straight
gotten married
been in a movie
crashed a party
loved someone you shouldn't have
kissed someone so passionately it made them dizzy
gotten divorced
had sex at the office
gone without food for 5 days
made cookies from scratch
won first prize in a costume contest
ridden a gondola in venice
gotten a tattoo
found that the texture of some materials can turn you on
rafted the snake river
been on television news programs as an 'expert'
got flowers for no reason
masturbated in a public place
got so drunk you don't remember anything
been addicted to some form of illegal drug
performed on stage
been to las vegas
recorded music
eaten shark
had a one-night stand
gone to thailand
seen siouxsie live
bought a house
been in a combat zone
buried one/both of your parents
shaved or waxed your pubic hair off
been on a cruise ship
spoken more than one language fluently
got into a fight while attempting to defend someone
bounced a cheque
performed in rocky horror
read - and understood - your credit report
raised children
recently bought and played with a favourite childhood toy
followed your favourite band/singer on tour
created and named your own constellation of stars
taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
found out something significant that your ancestors did
called or written your congress person i suppose
picked up and moved to another city to just start over
more than once? - more than thrice? just thrice
walked the golden gate bridge
sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking
had an abortion or your female partner did
had plastic surgery
survived an accident that you shouldn't have survived
wrote articles for a large publication
lost over 100 pounds
held someone while they were having a flashback
piloted an airplane
petted a stingray
broken someone's heart
helped an animal give birth
been fired or laid off from a job
won money on a tv game show
broken a bone
killed a human being
gone on an african photo safari
ridden a motorcycle
driven any land vehicle at a speed of greater than 100 mph
had a body part of yours below the neck pierced
fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
ridden a horse
had major surgery
had sex on a moving train
had a snake as a pet
hiked to the bottom of the grand canyon
slept through an entire flight: takeoff, flight, and landing
slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
visited all 7 continents
taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
eaten kangaroo meat
fallen in love at an ancient mayan burial ground
been a sperm or egg donor
eaten sushi
had 2 (or more) healthy romantic relationships for over a year in your lifetime
changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about
got someone fired for their actions
gone back to school
parasailed
changed your name
petted a cockroach
eaten fried green tomatoes
read the iliad
selected one 'important' author who you missed in school, and read
dined in a restaurant and stolen silverware, plates, cups because your apartment needed them
and got 86ed from the restaurant because you did it so many times, they figured out it was you
taught yourself an art from scratch - if you count singing
killed and prepared an animal for eating
apologised to someone years after inflicting the hurt
skipped all your school reunions
communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
been elected to public office
written your own computer language
thought to yourself that you're living your dream
had to put someone you love into hospice care
built your own pc from parts
sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you
had a booth at a street fair
dyed your hair
been a dj
found out someone was going to dump you via livejournal
written your own role playing game
been arrested

Living Your Life As You Are v Finding What You Want (or I Want To Go Back To College)

2009-01-16T15:17:00.004-06:00

Slow days at work usually get me thinking about what I’m doing and what I really want to do. I had a conversation about this with a dear friend of mine the other day. Are you where you thought you would be? My answer is no. Not at all. By a long shot. In most places in my life, I have settled. Settled for the safer, more secure job. Settled for not continuing my education. I have settled on getting by at life.
Now the question is: what am I going to do about it?
I don’t know that I can do anything at the present time. My safe, secure job is letting me earn my wages, and support myself and my child. I would love to continue my education. But its more than I can afford, and my safe, secure job takes 40 hours a week 5 or 6 days a week. And I feel if I did take night classes, I wouldn’t have a chance to really be with my daughter.
I don’t truly want to stay in a financial institution. It is good, for now, to get me by, but I’m not a finance person. Money and interest rates are not my forte.
Meteorology is a passion. It’s a goal. Its risky and challenging. It makes me question. Whether I get the answers or not is not an issue (although I do like finding out the answers). It gets me thinking. Thinking and trying to figure out why something is the way it is is more satisfying and fulfilling than sitting on a teller line counting cash.
I love to learn. I’ve been trying to teach myself or have others help teach me something as often as I have time. I keep reminding myself that education is the only way to remove the settlement from my life.
Gotta shake it up.

So my questions turn to you. Answer freely if you wish. Are you where you thought you would be? What are you going to do about it?

2008: What a Ride

2009-01-12T15:08:00.001-06:00

My life has changed dramatically in 2008. And that is probably an understatement! I don't process change well.
Life Changing Event #1: Mom moves back
My mother lived in Arkansas for about 5 years. She moved back in 2007. I, who was living with my dad and step-mom, moves into an apartment with her. I missed her a lot. It is hard to live so far from your parents.
Life Changing Event #2: Change of Employment
Potbelly was great for a college job. Flexible hours, great co workers, great music, awesome food (that I ate for almost 5 years!) But because of Life Changing Event #3, I needed a more stable job with benefits! My friend, Aliya, told me about her job at a credit union, working in the call center. Monday through Friday, 9-5. I couldnt ask for anything more stable! Plus FULL BENEFITS!!! Whoo Hoo!!! I'm in! I changed carrers in January of 2008.
Life Changing Event #3: Pregnancy
Pregnancy is a life changing experience for anyone, anyway. But for a single, 24 year old girl who still lives with her parents, it is down right scary! Definitely not planned, the end of 2007 was a time for decision making. What the heck am I doing? Am I ready for this? What are my options/non-options? When/how do I tell him?...but all of that (well, most of that) went away on Christmas night 2007. That was the first time I felt the baby. At that moment I realized what was happening to me. I was carrying a child. Sorry guys, but this is one feeling that you will never be able to experience. That feeling makes you realize that God is using you for something that is so much bigger than yourself.
So I watched myself grow day by day. It is amazing that women's bodies are capable of changing to such a degree in such a short amount of time. I was in awe of my belly. I was a fairly tiny girl, so to see a ball emerge from a once flat tummy was incredible. Not only the belly grew but the fingers, face, nose, legs, feet, ankles...everything. It's not all pretty and glorious, but most of it is! :)
By the time June came around, I was ready to have this baby. I was (I thought) mentally and physically prepared. I had everything I needed: Diapers, crib, (lots of) clothes, blankets. I just needed her. At my last "official" doctor's appointment, my doctor checked me out. Really she just looked at me, and asked "Want to have this baby today?" I laughed, "Yeah!" "No. I mean it. You are looking...big (meaning my face). I'm going to call over to the hospital and have them set up a room for you." My mouth just dropped. I couldn't believe what she had just said. On my way home to pack my bag, I called everyone who needed to know at that moment: my mom, Jeremy, the rest of my family, my friend Meghann, who has just delivered twins three days before and still in the hospital herself...
Lily Alexandra was born on June 10, 2008 at 6:20pm. A short, fairly easy labor for a gorgeous baby girl. She was and is perfect. You always hear new parents say this, but she didn't do anything except cry and open her eyes and I fell in love with her.
Don't get me wrong. All of this change still hasn't quite hit me yet. Lily especially. It still almost feels like I'm babysitting, but the parents left her with me and forgot to pick her up. This parenthood thing is a very surreal experience, but I would never change it for anything. I don't encourage single, 24 year olds who still live with their parents to become pregnant, but I am becoming an adult, a woman, a mother. I've become someone who is ready. Ready for anything. Ready to take on the world with one arm open! The other arm, of course, is holding my daughter.
Life Changing Event #4: Relationships
Well, this one I'm still trying to figure out. I'm sure there will be more about this section! :)